New words are created every so often, but one word you may have already been using also found its way to Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year— gaslighting. The dictionary defines it as “the act or practice of grossly misleading someone especially for one’s own advantage.”
Sadly, one of the reasons gaslighting emerged in people’s vocabulary is because of the countless number of gaslighting victims who finally found the right word for their dreadful personal and (or) work experience.
If you think you may be a victim of this type of manipulation, ask yourself some of the questions we listed.
Liar, Liar
Ask yourself:
“Isn’t it strange that when I do something, it’s wrong, but when it’s them who does the same thing, it’s supposed to be okay?”
If you’re in a situation where a partner cheats on you and blames you, your past behavior, your attitude, absence, appearance, or anything else petty, know that it’s never a justifiable act. Many gaslighters will hide hypocrisy and inconsistency under the guise of incessant explanation and justification. They like to create the rules only to bend them themselves.
Guilt-Tripping
Ask yourself:
“Am I really at fault for doing something that was never wrong in the past?”
You’re allowed to have healthy relationships with other people. You should be around caring friends and a loving family. You’re also on the right path if you have hobbies and recreational activities. However, a gaslighter will not agree that you have any of those.
If you have friends or relatives you used to hang out with, your partner may start to resent them and make you feel awful for spending time with them. In a workplace setting, it can be when your boss or colleague makes you feel bad about the hobbies you have or when they start to doubt your dedication to the company.
People who engage in gaslighting think of you as their possession. They want to take away everything you care about so you’ll be left with only them in your life. Everything you used to do (and loved doing) is wrong in their eyes— they want you to see it the same way that they do.
The Blame Game
Ask yourself:
“Is this small thing something I should really feel immensely guilty about?”
People make mistakes. We are predisposed to committing several of them. Small mistakes like arriving a few minutes late for work aren’t detrimental to the company you’re working for and its success (or decline). If you’re working with a gaslighter, however, your boss or co-worker may make you feel terrible for that one mistake that can easily be solved. This goes the same for your personal life if you’re dealing with a gaslighter.
As cruel as it sounds, gaslighters will make a big deal out of every small thing because they want to amplify your mistakes— and your mistakes are something they carefully watch and wait for you to make.
Hot and Cold
Ask yourself:
“Why do they make me feel good one moment, and worthless the next?”
You don’t need another person’s approval to find your worth. Gaslighters will tear you down until your sanity is compromised. They do not care for your well-being and they will feed you with lie after lie to bring you back up so you’ll return to them. They will push you away until you feel alone, then take you back affectionately so you’d be dependent on their compliments— they want you to value your worth based on how they feel about you.
“It Must’ve Been A Dream Then…”
Ask yourself:
“If I clearly have a memory of them saying or doing something, then why am I the only one who remembers it?”
You shouldn’t easily believe that you hallucinated an incident. Gaslighters will use phrases like “you’re crazy” or “I think you’re going insane” to convince you that your memory is the product of stress and overthinking. It’s difficult to call them out when they’re consistent about what they say. In case you think your mental health is on a decline, seek professional help— only a professional can tell you if you’re indeed going crazy or if you’re insane.
A gaslighter will cover their tracks and rewrite history based on what’s convenient to them. They have their own version of the truth and they want you to also believe it.
How to Deal with Gaslighting
“Gaslighting” as the word of the year is a positive thing. It sheds a light on a simple but substantial word. The word may be just a word with its list of meanings, but to some, it’s more than that—it’s an experience, a definition, and a confirmation. If you’re a victim of gaslighting, confide in friends and relatives whom you have a healthy relationship with. If you’re employed by a gaslighter (or work with one, or more), consider getting a job elsewhere. Lastly, if your mental health is affecting your day-to-day life, seek professional help— you can confidentially share your feelings, reasons, and explanations with them.
The post Gaslighting, Word Of The Year: What It Means In Your Business And Personal Life appeared first on The Village Voice.
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